Why has the forum come to a snail's pace?

[BL42]

My $0.02...

Dated Technology - The technology is dated which can turn off new users and provide a frustrating user experience for active posters:

• Website/Browser Rendering - The column on the site to read/post in is very narrow. This User Interface (UI) was clearly designed for older monitors (4:3) before the large/widescreen (16:9) monitors which most people user today, and makes the reading area small.
• Lack of Mobile App - Most people are used to using mobile apps on large smartphones which are tailored to the screen size and easier to use than a simple browser, but there is no smartphone app for this forum which I'm aware, and that makes it harder to use on the go.
• Outages - There have been outages when I've tried to reach the website or post. They're infrequent and short, but not a great look in today's day in age.

I wonder if the technology is too old, but then again I am old and things pass me by so quickly.

Maybe people don't use online forums anymore.

As far as getting new people to post - I do think UBB forums appear dated these days - been around since the 90s and the look/layout hasn't really changed a ton with the times. Someone browsing thru could likely see the layout of the board, and to be honest the look of divorcebusting.com, and move on elsewhere.

Personally, I'm more interested in the guidance and support by other posters rather than worrying about the dated technology. It's been a year since BD for me and I've been posting for 7 months now and the posters (vets and newbies) and board has helped me immensely. I plan to continue posting on my own thread and weigh in when possible. However...

Less Posting by Vets & Newcomers - There are times when posters don't get much response/advice from folks, and I think that can lead to less frequent posts on their sitches as well. For example, I put a lot of thought and prep into my post two weeks ago for the one year anniversary of BD. To me that was a significant milestone and I was looking forward to hearing peoples' perspectives, but didn't hear much back. Also, there are times people post updates and seek advice but don't hear anything for several days or a week. A common refrain on here is post and get responses first before acting but if you're in the heart of a sitch and want to respond to a spouses email or address a particular topic, it's not always feasible to wait so long. There are a few vets that post frequently but the board could use more than just the same few. For my part, even though I'm a relative newbie, I'll try to weigh in more. I know I always got a boost of PMA when I saw someone took the time to response and weigh in on my sitch and that in and of itself helped. I imagine the same is true for most folks out there.

My other concern or question is why some people who are in the thick of things in their sitch, go for days or weeks without posting anything on their thread. I'm not talking about the people who have been around here for a long time, and who want to help someone else. I mean actual newcomers who desperately need some guidance. I don't know how many times I've written a response on a newcomer's thread, and never hear another word back from them. I don't know if they even looked to see if anyone wrote to them, or if they checked and didn't like what was said. Also, and I won't call any by name, but we've stuck with certain people very diligently, while they were going through terrible times. Then, at what seems to be the most critical point .......they fell out of sight and we were left hanging. We never know what happens. Maybe I'm just silly, but when I invest time trying to help someone, I would like to know if they are okay, at the least. I mean, we're strangers but we share very private details of each other's lives and for the most part, I think we care what happens. That's why we stick around this place. I still worry about a few that I personally spent many days mentoring them as best I could, and suddenly at the most critical point.......they'd vanish.

I feel like the energy has shifted in the last couple years. There are not as many strong vets with solid and in-depth support. It’s often the same advice from the same posters. At times it reads confrontational and short-sighted. Sorry if that’s harsh of me, but it’s honestly what I think most days when I read a new thread. Also, Newcomers come and go much faster nowadays. I agree that it’s hard to invest the time and energy, for them to vanish and then be left wondering or perhaps worrying about them. I think this has also affected my motivation to invest in people. Another difference is that this site offers more direct strategy without immediate results and it’s counter intuitive (which could be perceived as challenging or not realistic) so I do think even tho we have good intentions, people are scared off by that. Maybe they are easily finding other sites where they are mostly encouraged and validated in their efforts? Often people will often turn towards what they want to hear, rather than what is best for them.

I try and read fairly often. I don’t always feel like I have the time or energy to put a lot in. Mostly it feels like I’m not helping much. I would rather develop a few strong relationships than keep rattling off the same advice. I think the best I can do personally is update my own sitch fairly regularly.