New M, new WAW

[mako]

Heh, yes there might be a little bit of dread there. I mean, I know the drill, this is not going to be a fun process, even if it is good and important and ultimately results in a better me. Assuming D occurs, in the best case situation I am going to see my kids a lot less. Financially we are going to be worse off. The future is a lot less clear now, and it’s scary.

I agree with what you’re saying Sandi, and I totally understand my W’s point of view. I said above that it wasn’t really a flaw per se, but maybe it is. Any physical touching has been nonexistent in the M for a long time. Maybe it wasn’t always quite so bad. It’s the chicken and egg—the marriage is dead because of this, or there’s no touching because the marriage is dead. Either way, there wasn’t enough, and she was the initiator much more than me. It’s not as if I don’t like it or it makes me uncomfortable, it’s almost like it just doesn’t occur to me to do. I’m going to need to spend time in IC and figure this stuff out. My W actually thinks I may be autistic or have some sort of anxiety disorder and maybe she’s right. This was explored a bit in previous IC with no real resolution but it’s something to look into. That’s probably beyond the scope of this board

Interestingly, I have no problem showing affection with the kids, giving them hugs and kisses and cuddles. So that’s good! But it probably made my W feel even worse. Why is it different for them? I have no idea.