New M, new WAW

[sandi2]

Yep, I know what I gotta do, now just gotta do it.

I wish I could have seen you face to face and heard your voice when making the statement above. To me, I hear a tone of ..............dread? Is it b/c you feel as if history is repeating itself? If I'm no where close, you can correct me.

You seem to recognize the areas that need your personal work the most, which is a good thing, IMHO. I don't know if it comes from a place of weariness, since you went down this road in your first M........or if it's a tiny touch of laziness. It's as if you see it as something you have to force yourself to do. Here's the thing, Mako. You've said in both marriages that you weren't very affectionate and you did not show love that way. Maybe it was your old thread, IDK, you said you basically waited on the W to initiate sex. What if you married a woman just like you? There would never be any love making! Now some women do not have any problem initiating sex with their H, but on the other hand, some women do. They are responders and like for the H to seduce them. The W could feel that her H saw her undesirable, or unattractive, or he simply didn't care, etc., if it did not come naturally to touch her. I think it could be a real killer to her esteem, b/c she carries those concerns over to doubting he even loves her. There are two types of touching. One is reserved just for your W, b/c these include sexual areas of the body. The other type of touching is completely non-sexual touching. A couple should be able to give these nonsexual touches throughout the day. From my experience and my observation of other couples, the nonsexual touches come first in the relationship, and end last. If you are uncomfortable with nonsexual touching.......that should be a concern, IMHO.

Although it's a bit rare to see a LBH on the board admit his primary LL isn't physical touch, I don't think it's an indication something is wrong with him. I'll admit, however, since you started both initial threads (first with W #1 and now with W #2) almost identically, it does raise a red flag. You've explained in both cases (W#1 & #2) your lack of showing affection. I get the impression it must be pretty severe, if this was the main issue for both women. And, if so........I would strongly recommend seeing a professional as to why you aren't interested or try avoid it. Most women like physical closeness with her H, like snuggling together while watching a movie, or sitting close together with the H's arm over the shoulder of his W. It doesn't mean it's going to lead to sex.........it just means she likes to feel your nearness. and she may feel secure when your arms are around her. The snuggling is just one tiny example.

Did I read, or thought I read where there were no goodbye kisses, hello or goodnight kisses......unless your W initiated it? Is any nonsexual physical affection for your W shown in front of your children?

I can't tell how much or little this may concern you, but I think demonstrating affection is definitely an important area in a relationship. When demonstrating any physical affection completely stops.......it's going to have a negative, and unhealthy side effect. One more question on physical touch. What about showing affection for your kids? What do you do to demonstrate affection for them? Please answer these questions.