I'm so glad to hear things continue to go well, and you were able to have a conversation about the A without feeling triggered. That is wonderful progress. And even though I agree that there is little to be gained from the past, I do think it is also healthy to explore and be able to talk about the past together. The fact that it *was* triggering to you previously and was not this last time says to me that you are continuing to heal, and those feelings may be (or may have been) partially blocking your willingness to reengage in a deeper intimacy with your H.
I remember you saying that you were thinking about your view of his A, and his view of the A, and that maybe you'd thought of it in a certain way in order to help you make sense of it. I wonder if these conversations can help you guys to get on the same page and that might help you let go of some of that fear that you'd been somehow sugarcoating it to yourself? Maybe I'm totally offbase! Just a thought.
However, I wouldn't be surprised if future conversations may still trigger an emotional response, but I bet that dealing with those lingering feelings and letting them go will help both of you grow your emotional intimacy. That is really nice to see from where I sit, at the very very very beginning of this part of the journey. Thank you for sharing!!
Also, FWIW I am no paragon of patience and understanding! I believe myself to be a generally very empathetic and understanding person, but I am NOT PATIENT generally speaking. One of my biggest challenges. And I also completely agree that you and I are both justified in our anger. I guess I am also just not good at being angry generally. But it does make me happy to feel like my experiences and words have helped someone, especially someone who has helped me in such a profound way. I'm so glad to know you.
xx May
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
