She had an affair and that pain of rejection and betrayal was severe. But I took her back. We went to counseling together and for the next three years she told me everything that was wrong with me, while I simply took her for who she was and accepted her. As I worked to improve myself, she would say she wanted a separation or divorce and any stumble I made or even when I did nothing wrong but she just didn't like something I did, she would use that against me.
I've seen some people use the "divorce card" like you've described, and it must get very old after a while. Either that's all she has a leverage to control you, or she's looking for the slightest excuse to end the M. She's made the problem and counseling sessions all about you, when in reality, she should take a long look at herself.
I am curious about something. Before the breakdown in the relationship, how would you rate her in verbally validating you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
