One foot in front of the other

[Elbereth]

Thanks May, I'm sure most of it meant nothing to him and that even makes me angrier. He really has no idea of how his behavior affects everyone, not just me. I think he was taken aback by my response. I'm a very calm and level-headed person. So for me to essentially flip out on him took him off guard. But the ways he tried to justify himself shows how little he gets it. My BFF has been encouraging me to speak out to him and I've been telling her how it really means nothing unless I'm heard. And I don't feel heard by him. So to me, it didn't help me feel any better. I don't feel that lashing out to him is what I need to feel better. Focusing on myself and on relationships that matter is what will help me feel better. I will never feel better about what he has done. There is nothing that will help heal that feeling unless he hears it and feels it. And least in regards to my relationship with him. Does that make any sense at all? And as long as he can justify his behavior, be in his fog, feel that what he is doing is right, etc, it won't help me feel any better. It's up to me to find something to replace that elsewhere. I can't fix it.

I had a good cry after he left and had a good call with my BFF. I know I will be okay, but it sucked. And it sucked the energy out of my night when I could have been focusing on my S18, my growth, or something else that is actually productive towards my future.

Thanks for the hugs though... I appreciate it so much!