SD isn't in emotional crisis. He isn't losing his mind and just trying to survive.
At least not today.
Originally Posted by wayfarer
That being said SD. I think you have your wits about you, although I do believe your love blinds you more often than not.
That's probably true. I try to stay grounded but I also look at things from a more detached perspective at times and can see where I had my blinders on.
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But I can see that you are still very much in love with your W. That as removed from her chaos as you may think you are, you are not removed from her.
At one point during this I wasn't sure that I loved her, wasn't sure it was worth fighting for, thought it might be easier to move on and do whatever I want. I was so stuck in my head, weighing pros and cons, ruminating, planning, etc. that it was impossible to know anything. Then I had a moment of clarity. And then another. And I then knew without a doubt that I love her. But you are right, I am not removed from her. Not even close. I am more removed than I was, but there's a long way to go.
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I just hope you are being a light house and carefully watching your own shores. WSs will drag you along and keep you at arms length as long as they are allowed to. You are going to have to ask yourself at some point here how long arms length is good enough. How long will arms length serve you? SteveLW put a date on his. I put a date on mine. It's an arbitrary date. It can be moved forward or backwards as you see fit, but at the very least it's a date set to reassess. Steve set his as a year. I set mine as a year. H had a year to figure out what he wanted by then or I was going to figure it out for him. You deserve a life where you aren't perpetually waiting on a person who isn't sure about you.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Interesting you both went with a year. I don't know that I can go another 7 months. But then again, if you asked me 5 months ago if I could go until now, I probably would've said no. The timing I've been toying with is May, that is when the studio lease it up which makes it natural milepost for deciding which way we're gonna go.
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And while I know right now it feels like that happiness would be with her in your old life, you have to realize that MR is dead and gone and never to return. If, and that's a big if, if you and W reconcile and move forward you have to accept that that marriage is a whole new marriage.
I want a whole new marriage and do not want the old one. I want a better one. I think we have the potential to make that happen, but we also have the potential to blow it all up in a big way.
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Also I did see a while back someone asked you what you're goals were for yourself? Have you come up with some concrete ones yet? Have you taken the time to look at your life looking forward both with and without W in it? Finances? Custody? Placement?
I have a lot of personal goals I'm working on. Some are coming better than others. For the future I have looked into housing, splitting out finances, lawyers, etc. I don't have a set plan, just vague ideas.
