First off, I have always had a visceral, negative reaction to all the alpha/respect talk on the board re LBHs. I just don't buy any of this finding your b@lls/ commanding respect cr@p. (Sorry, guys, I think that is just gross.) What I do think is critical is SELF-respect, and as I've followed along I feel like Salty is doing a lot of the necessary work to cultivate true self-compassion and self-respect. When you truly respect yourself, you don't need to trumpet it from the rooftops, or tell your W to GTFO, or anything else. You respect and love yourself, and no one can take that from you. That is what matters.
May I am not a huge fan of the "finding your b@lls" terminology either, though I think sometimes it does illustrate to a LBH that they are being weak and need to toughen up. However, may, the idea that for women attraction follows respect is a well-known psychological aspect of male-female relationships. sandi is a huge proponent of the LBH dealing with a WW commanding respect. And that includes making sure to use tough love, not treat your WW with kid-gloves.
So I think you have to look at each situation individually and adjust accordingly. In your sitch self-respect may have been the problem, but in SD's a lack of respect from a WW might have been the key. And in society that now tries to deny the biological differences between men and women, it can cause confusion when LBHs, like myself and SD, come here with our self-confidence completely shot by WWs that lost any shred of respect for us 2+ years ago.
I also do not think being strong with the WW (as sandi advocates) is antithetical to self-respect and self-compassion. You could argue that you cannot command respect from others (through boundaries and other means) without self-respect and self-compassion. But the fact that the majority of heterosexual women cannot be attracted to a man that they do not respect is a pretty well-known fact.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
