I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[LH19]

Hi LH! I never meant to assess my DB success by means of the outcome of the situation. It is just incredibly hard to see and feel your improvement and yet get no change or hope from your WAW. I know it is the rule, I am just saying it is incredibly hard and I have had many slips were I felt discourage and a failure. It takes two to make a M and a R in this cases, I dont think she will ever do her work, I am trying to be happy now. By focusing on myself, my hobbies, sports, the kids and my career I am making myself a better man, for my future. That would make my a success, come out of this as the best version of Pack!

Pack it is going to take a really really long time for your W to see and trust your changes. I get the sense that you were a jealous and controlling person. Am I wrong?

You are right, nothing is going to change, it's been to long and she has chosen her path. Better to focus on my picnic.

Number one and year and a half is a short time in DB land and number two I suggest you try to forget about the picnic analogy. You seem to get confused when you hear terms here. Just continue to become your best self.

Well because I certainly played a part in the downfall of this M and that means I have to take responsibility for that part and change anything that led me to contribute.

Pack you have 100% owned your side of the street. I understand why you feel the way yo do but no need to feel guilty anymore.

No, it seems she has chosen another person, which should give me the strength to never look back. I deserve someones who thinks being with me is better than being with anyone else.

Yes you do deserve that as does everyone here on the board. You only look back if she taps you on the shoulder.

I will feel more in peace LH. What do you mean here, that my motivation is wrong or that I can date while married? The motivation would not be that, the motivation would be to break this illusion of a tie between us that is only causing me misery and harm right now. The motivation is to give Pack a blank sheet to write the next years of his life.

No I don't think you should date while married. I believe you are thinking of divorcing to date. I don't think you are ready to date right now.

And why every single time I see here I just get all these feelings and emotions and the desire to repair this situation? My brain must be very weak in this sense... I am broken inside!

No! That is how your brain is hardwired right now. It thinks that because you are rejected by your W that you are in danger. Our brains haven't evolved much in the last 10,000 years. Plus I think you are tied to the illusion that you have to have an entact family to be happy. I was that way too. I was never more wrong.

Because she has decided we fought a lot, our kids were growing in a poor environment and we grew to be parents and not partners and she blames me for not changing it on time. LH, because she has chosen to and it is not my job to change her mind.

Did you fight a lot? What did you fight about? What did she want you to change? Why do you think you were so happy and she wasn't in the marriage?