Basically her avoidance right now is still too big to want any attachment and my anxiousness adds pressure.
Neither style is very healthy... There is always a CHOICE to be different than your attachment style. I understand that can be really difficult in a heated moment so you can set some guidelines in place. It may seem a little unnatural but it can really help when emotions run high. Have you thought about how you can control your anxious attachment?
Interesting thing is I went back and took the test again and put myself back to before BD and I was Fearful Avoidant - bad at boundaries and prone to emotional withdrawal. Sounds about right. For now my way of trying to control my anxiousness is to just realize I can't control her or change her. She's gonna do what she's gonna do and I can either be at her mercy (which I often am) or I can GAL and parallel path her and hope those paths cross down the line again.
Originally Posted by Valeska19
Is this your MC talking? Did she give you any tools how to handle any of this info?
She not so subtlety said the W needs to sh!t or get off the pot. We're in a double bind and nothing is going to change without taking a risk. In talking to my IC, the recommendation was "radical permission" to let her do whatever she wants and give her the room she feels like she needs. SImilar to a lot of what is said around here - pull back and give space to reduce the pressure she's feeling but in a more intentional way where I am letting her know I am giving her that space rather than pulling back and have her feel abandoned.
Originally Posted by Valeska19
Have you read the threads on Pursuit/Distance? Might be beneficial to take a peek if not.
