I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[LH19]

[quote=Pack_19] Hi LH! thanks for coming back as always! I thought by being the best version of me and leaving W aside I could discover a new way to fight for my M. Becoming the best version of Pack, being happy and a source of excitement again and really starting to divorce bust properly (seems I have not been able to do it for a year).

Pack if you are going to rate how you are DBing by rather it stops your divorce you will not like the outcome. The vast majority of the people who come here end up divorced.

Being a great father so that she could see no man will ever take my place in the life of our children and most importantly, changing those things in me that led us to where we stand today.

So you are being a great father to get your W back? If that is true she can see right through it.

In other words, nailing my 50% of the work to get us back in a good place, without throwing rocks at her new life and castle. I guess that is the only last try I have, after that I will get the peace of mind that I gave it the most.

I am afraid you are going to be disappointed.

I have re-read DR and I really paid attention this time to the "last last resort", where the book talks about OP and your attitude towards your spouse. So I have cut all communications about the kids that are unnecessary, I will show W there will be no R at all between us if she is not willing to do the work to fix this together and I have set a date in 2 months to file for D and really leave behind all this suffering.

So you will file in May?

What do you think about this approach?

I think it stinks. Approaches, strategies, tricks etc don't work.

I am most likely going to fail and end divorced but at least I will have Sandi's words in my head that I should claim peace and not guilt.

Why would you have guilt?

I thought my integrity was defined by that of a man who preserves his faithfulness to his M and family but I find myself wanting to meet women. I don't know how to explain it, is as if talking to women who pay attention to you, admire you and enjoy talking to you and laugh with you and it is so freaking intoxicating, not to mention the amount of them out there (yes my eyes are opening).

It is intoxicating and the way it should be. Like David Deida says in "Way of a Superior Man", "choose a woman who chooses you". Now can you imagine this type of behavior from your W right now?

I should probably get a D as soon as possible, otherwise I will not have the peace of mind to ask any other woman to be in my life.

You should not D your W to date other women.

I cannot understand how W has allowed herself to be so cold and distant for such long time.

Pack she has to with you because if she shows any warmth you smother her. She is trying to keep you at a distance.

She really must be happier now than she was with me. Right now I just want two big things. First of all I want my brain to stop seeing her as my W, as the woman of my life and my companion in life. Secondly, I want my self esteem and attractiveness back, and I want it now. I am sick of being the shade of the man I was.

You control your thoughts Pack.

I look at many videos from Marni after you guys suggested it. There are many things she talks about that I have always done. I was handy fixing everything at home, I offered to help W fix her things, I took over the responsibility to maintain our family from day 1, and I did not fail to provide any single month, I own my defects and I share them with the people around me and I can be very funny. I am not such a poor man and partner, yes I should have never allowed myself to get so stressed about money and I should have talked to her many more times and I should have read about sex and NMMNG much earlier, but I am doing it now, for my future and improvement.

So why do you think your W doesn't want to be with you anymore?