Very wise to put in a pause and not respond reactively. I always found it good advice to wait 24 or 48 hours before responding or making a major decision; gives all one’s viewpoints time to consider and weight in (feelings, thoughts, beliefs).
Originally Posted by CanBird
XH: "Received your email. Not really sure what you mean. The details are too vague. I also invested in the house with years of going to sea. Not sure what to do right now. I miss D4 and also will need to have a place to spend time with her".
This is good. He is conversing. A good start.
XH is also purposefully missing the point and pretending things are too vague. Remember he is emotionally stunted and make believe is actually quite a part of his fantasy life and narrative. Your position does not fit and he will attempt to dismiss or ignore it. If this was early during the process, XH might not converse about it, however, currently he is, so a good start.
This house stuff is business. What specifically do you want/need from XH to proceed? I suspect there are a few categories. The amicable type agreement would be nice - that is a want. What do you need to proceed? Perhaps very little is needed, although that path may be more difficult.
Keep it business. Yes, XH’s invested during his years at sea. That investment is addressed in the splitting of the house debt and/or proceeds. His need of a place to stay is his problem. His want of using the home while visiting D4 is your problem. You don’t solve his problems; he made his mess. You do solve things that are impacting you.
So, ramp up the clarity. Tell him to call you and you will provide clearer details and instructions. This works towards your wanted path of a more amicable solution. With that, in the background, seek out a lawyer and find a path forward to achieve your needed solution, if/when XH starts to balk or drag his feet. You control the things you can control.
Keep it all business. You are just buying out XH from the house. His life and choices are on him.
I suspect with dipping into the dating pool you are not feeling so easily swayed and dragged around by XH anymore. Good.
If he actually calls you, be clear and stick to the points of what you want him to do. Have it written out and at the ready so you can keep control of the conversation. Email communication needs to be equally clear and direct. These follow up emails are more instructing (less suggesting) to him as to his required actions.
Hopefully, XH is willing. Stick to your path and hold your ground. If he decides to takes this matter even further sideways, start down the more legally enforceable path to achieve the outcome.
Have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
