I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[Pack_19]

WOW!

You surely are an educated and talented man in your field, if so many places in the world to want to employee you. They see your value, and how you would be valuable to their company.

Hi Sandi! thanks for the words, yes that has always been one of the things that define me and I think I am doing a good job on it even as of now. Sometimes this whole nightmare makes me forget the value in me as a person.

No more Mr. Nice Guy is an eyeopener. I've never read Hold on to Your Nuts, but some of our big league members in the past recommended this book highly.

It was! things like not tolerating being treated in a poor way at all, putting your needs first and understanding that as a man you should not be scared of expressing your own feelings even when they are negative. What a little book! is on my re-read pile together with The multiorgasmic man. I will let you know how it goes with Holding on to your NUTS.

Perhaps you've heard the old tale of the two wolves, which are similar to what you are saying here. The strongest demon will be the one you feed. It will be the one who gains your attention, time, and thoughts. Don't be afraid of either, b/c you are the master of Pack.

You sound much better these days. I always look forward to reading your posts.

I have read it, as all the golden nuggets from this forum. Still I dont know which one to feed, which one to listen to. To be completely honest with you the way I feel is as if the actions of W are forcing me to feed the second one, even if it is not what I wanted. I also deserve a life, a new start and most importantly happiness!

You often use the term fighting for your marriage. What does that look like to you?

Hi LH! thanks for coming back as always! I thought by being the best version of me and leaving W aside I could discover a new way to fight for my M. Becoming the best version of Pack, being happy and a source of excitement again and really starting to divorce bust properly (seems I have not been able to do it for a year). Being a great father so that she could see no man will ever take my place in the life of our children and most importantly, changing those things in me that led us to where we stand today. In other words, nailing my 50% of the work to get us back in a good place, without throwing rocks at her new life and castle. I guess that is the only last try I have, after that I will get the peace of mind that I gave it the most.

I have re-read DR and I really paid attention this time to the "last last resort", where the book talks about OP and your attitude towards your spouse. So I have cut all communications about the kids that are unnecessary, I will show W there will be no R at all between us if she is not willing to do the work to fix this together and I have set a date in 2 months to file for D and really leave behind all this suffering.

What do you think about this approach? I am most likely going to fail and end divorced but at least I will have Sandi's words in my head that I should claim peace and not guilt.

I joined a crossfit club yesterday and I have started looking at 1 room apartments in Madrid for the end of the year to spend there the weeks I am not with the kids and I cannot wait to go to the office and being with colleagues again. I am in a much better place after the days I had a couple of weeks ago. I dont think about W, OM or D. I am focused on Pack and his life. I also got the manual for the motorbike test and I am going to study it this weekend. I plan to ask for a rise in April this year and I am going to refurbish the bathroom in my home here in Seville to finish the entire project.

I thought my integrity was defined by that of a man who preserves his faithfulness to his M and family but I find myself wanting to meet women. I don't know how to explain it, is as if talking to women who pay attention to you, admire you and enjoy talking to you and laugh with you and it is so freaking intoxicating, not to mention the amount of them out there (yes my eyes are opening).

I should probably get a D as soon as possible, otherwise I will not have the peace of mind to ask any other woman to be in my life. I cannot understand how W has allowed herself to be so cold and distant for such long time. She really must be happier now than she was with me. Right now I just want two big things. First of all I want my brain to stop seeing her as my W, as the woman of my life and my companion in life. Secondly, I want my self esteem and attractiveness back, and I want it now. I am sick of being the shade of the man I was.

I look at many videos from Marni after you guys suggested it. There are many things she talks about that I have always done. I was handy fixing everything at home, I offered to help W fix her things, I took over the responsibility to maintain our family from day 1, and I did not fail to provide any single month, I own my defects and I share them with the people around me and I can be very funny. I am not such a poor man and partner, yes I should have never allowed myself to get so stressed about money and I should have talked to her many more times and I should have read about sex and NMMNG much earlier, but I am doing it now, for my future and improvement.

Please continue to post and help me, your words give me strength to improve as a man and to place my boundaries wrt W.
((hugs)), Pack