You guys are amazing. You're right, I need to get back on track and start posting more. It's been a cruddy year for everyone and I'm sure I would have benefitted from hearing some feedback on my concerns.
She reached out to me on Sunday night asking how my weekend was. I replied saying, "Good. All caught up on laundry." and left it at that. Last night she posted to our family group text thread an old video of our youngest when he was about four. So yea, I think she's feeling like a terrible person and using us to refill her fantasy narrative.
As for catching up on the kiddos:
D20: She "came out" as pansexual a couple of years ago while she still lived with me. There was a pansexual flag on the back of her closet door so I already suspected, but played dumb. One afternoon I was sitting on her bed and she was showing me some of her latest artwork and I sheepishly took note of her flag asking what it stood for. She answered immediately and without hesitation, however, it was followed by a long pause. She gained her composure and simply said, "Dad, I am pansexual." I immediately said, "That's okay D20, I love you just the way you are, and I'm so proud of you for telling me." She burst into tears. I burst into tears. And what followed was the longest, most treasured hug I will probably ever have had.
And of course, her mom didn't take it nearly as well. At the time she was still living with her very conservative and abusive ex-marine fiance. That jack@$$ would make the most horrific backhanded comments about her. I've never ever thought to be extremely violent to someone, but if ever there were a time, that was as close to it as I've come.
What followed was several years of her cutting and having suicidal ideations. I was able to find her treatment, medication, and therapy which helped tremendously, but to this day, every time I see those scars, a piece of me breaks.
Flash forward to now, she received a scholarship for a top 10 art & design college a few states over from us. She's in her Junior year and consistently making the Dean's list each semester. She has wonderfully funny roommates and met a new girlfriend last year whom I adore. They are planning to get a place together this summer (and yes, I've had the DO NOT GET MARRIED right now talk with her).
S18: He graduated last year in the middle of Covid. The school was amazing and delayed the ceremony until the summer when things were a little safer. He has a genetic condition called Cystic Fibrosis that makes his lungs susceptible to things like Covid, so outside of an occasional run to get cheeseburgers, he hasn't really gone anywhere for a year. What he's been focussing on is his 3D animation and coding. I got him an iPhone that has the new LiDar sensors in it so her can take photos of things and easily render them into objects he can manipulate in the worlds he creates on the screen. It really is fantastic to see him get excited about designing the most mundane objects (an old 80's alarm clock, pipes, water meters, mailboxes, etc) and then upload them to open-source projects where other designers are downloading and utilizing his work.
Now he's moved into mechanics, so his designs are things like moving elevators, renderings of highly artistic robots, spaceships, and even just experimenting with metal pivot joints and fluid manipulation. He's a very intelligent young man and has taught himself everything from watching Youtube and reading, as well as participates on Twitch streams as a community manager and writing javescript-based programs for various task automation.
If he keeps up this rate, in another three years he will be so far ahead of any kid who's spent tens of thousands of dollars at universities in terms of building up his personal network, practical experience, and having a vast portfolio of relevant work produced to land his dream job. I'm simply blown away by this kid.
S9: This guy is a trooper. Due to his older brother's condition, he has had to do all of his schoolwork remotely so as not to bring something home and infect his immunocompromised brother. He too is highly created, very verbal, and much more socially oriented, so this time has been quite trying for him. There is a small group of friends in the neighborhood that he plays with and one buddy, in particular, has a family that's been amazingly helpful by taking Henry to hockey games and swimming at the fitness center they are members at. They know I'm a single Dad and seem to have taken it upon themselves to pitch in and give me a little relief once in a while.
He still misses his mama, but the breakdowns are fewer and farther between. His mom seems to forget to facetime him often. The last time I can remember was probably Christmas Day. I had him in therapy up until last fall when he "graduated," from his child therapist's care. Most of his behavioral idiosyncrasies stem around attention. Early on, he once told his therapist that he feels he needs to make people laugh and be happy all the time because he is afraid that if he can't make them happy, then one day they may leave him. That explains a lot and breaks my heart.
The only real issues we deal with these days are his occasional bouts of loneliness and he keeps peeing in his pants while fully engrossed with his iPad or Switch. So aside from a bit more laundry, I have to do, the rest is pretty manageable.
As for me... I am still working from home as a marketing consultant helping brands more effectively tell their stories. I'm really passionate about crafting narratives that are compelling and inspiring, but it takes quite a lot of time to get into the creative zone and truly exercise my talents. This challenge is augmented by my two boys also being home and wanting to eat, watch a movie, or tell me something interesting about their day.
The leadership role is still in play. I've had three interviews so far and my old work colleague who brought me introduced me to the opportunity has said that they really liked me. So we shall see. I am also starting interviews tomorrow with a very public media company tomorrow to head up their product marketing. That too is a very big opportunity and would get me back into the industry in a big way (after six years of freelancing). The really big benefit to that role is it would allow me to work remotely while still receiving a big city salary. Fingers crossed!
At this moment, I am still renting. I'm an idiot. I had the chance to buy, was a couple of weeks out from closing on a beautiful newly constructed home, and due to a loophole, had the chance to back out of it... and I did. In reflecting back on it, I think I panicked on the permanency the decision suggested, as well as probably had an ulterior motive of trying to win my XW attention to come back. I wasn't in a great headspace, to be honest.
With this new job opportunity, I've been looking at houses again and pushing off making any major purchases or applying for credit as I ready myself for the loan process. I fully intend to pull the trigger, and this time, it will be for me and my children as the only consideration.
[big sigh]
Okay, that was a big reply. If you've read all the way to here, bless you. From here on out, I pledge to make more frequent updates so I won't have to write small novels next time.
Thank you guys!
Me: 48 WW: 43 OM: 53 met 12/16 to 10/19 M: 18 T: 20 D20 S18 S9 BD 05/22/16 W asked for D 6/20/16 D final 1/9/17
