One foot in front of the other

[may22]

Hi E,

First, just wanted to say that what you wrote about the connection and kindness of strangers really resonated. This is such a beautiful community. (((Elbereth)))

A couple thoughts for you. one, on the being friends-- I made it crystal clear to my H that we would NOT be friends in a D. This is one thing I stuck with from day one (also because I was infuriated with his ridiculous D fantasy where we'd stay BFFs and eat dinner as a family every night but then he'd go off to sleep with AP). I think you have to be careful that it isn't interpreted as a threat. I probably wouldn't bring it up. But when you start talking together about the future and what the D will look like, I'd definitely nip any of those fantasy BFF D scenarios in the bud. No, I don't want to co-own this house with you. No, I don't want to have any ties with you. No, we won't be friends. Friends don't lie and betray each other. I don't have room for a "friend" like that in my life. Etc.

I also agree with Sandi 100% about taking care of the house stuff on your own. Not even to show him anything (though I will say this did also have an effect in my R) but because you are fully capable of dealing with anything that comes your way, including plumbing issues, and who needs that deadbeat?? You can handle this all yourself. you don't need him. (And, he was not even able to handle it anyway... sounds like it is time to call in the professionals for sure.)

Good luck!