My Confusing MLC Navy W

[may22]

I have two choices. I either trust and try to move forward or decide I do not trust and run our M into the ground. I'm not supposed to spy/snoop, but I'm also not supposed to trust her words. I'm supposed to maintain a positive attitude and act "as if". There's a chance you're right about the PA. Of course, there is. However, I can choose to fixate on that and drive myself into mania or focus on constructive energy. I'm not going to participate in hand-wringing over what-ifs. What I will do, is set a clear boundary, and if she crosses it, we're done.

Hey Reason,

I'm not sure that you have only two choices right now. You're in a really interesting and in some ways enviable position. Folks say here you have the gift of time-- but you REALLY have the gift of time. Eight months where you can focus on yourself (which is sounds like you're doing, kudos) and you don't have to deal with your WS in person, just emails. Trust or not trust--- what would that change in how you live your life over the next eight months? Maybe she's still in touch with her AP. Maybe she's not. None of that is within your control.

My advice to you would be rather than feeling like you need to pick a path today-- trust and work on the M (but maybe have the niggling doubt that she is still talking to OM and what happens when she gets back and that whole long path that you could go down), or not trust and wash your hands of her-- I don't think there is a need for you to make that decision today. Let it go, for now. You have literally months before she returns. Keep doing what you're doing, focusing on that which you can control (you) and letting go of that which is outside of your control (your W and what she might be thinking/doing/feeling now and into the future).

I've struggled a bit with coming to terms with exactly what she has done. It's also starting to sink in that this isn't something that just happened or happened to her. It's a series of decisions. I genuinely do think she's struggling with her sense of identity, but I'm trying to decide if that matters.

I'm curious to know more about how you view her A in the context of your own. I'm assuming this is a path you walked as well, understanding your own actions and decisions, and reconciling those with your own sense of identity. (This is partially to help me understand how the past is interacting with your current sitch, and also personally I'm interested in the perspective of a former WH who has come to terms with his actions.)

I'm sorry you don't feel supported-- I have been following your story with interest and am rooting for you. I hope you keep posting here.