Steve, I was running through this laundry list of what-ifs for the first few months. When she left for quarantine, I was sad and lonely a lot. While she was calling/video chatting/texting, I stopped thinking about all of that. Frankly, I don't know if I care what she is or isn't doing at this point. I have certain obligations and dependencies that are unavoidable now, but there isn't time for her past that. My general mood now is focused on my future. My thoughts do drift to her, but it's now in the realm of "is this worth my energy"?
You have said repeatedly that I need to be honest with myself, but here is the simple decision I'm faced with. If I continue trying to save our marriage, I see a long battle, resentment, heartache, and the possibility of it all falling apart again. If we do work things out and everything is optimistic, we will have secured partners for old age that we can each rely on. If I allow it to dissolve, I can pursue my career and faith with 100% energy. I can move wherever I want. I don't have to think about whether or not I can trust her. It won't be my problem anymore.
