My Confusing MLC Navy W

[SteveLW]

reason here is my objective:

I want you to be honest with yourself about the state of things so that you are not completely devastated when the truth comes out and you spiral and fall back into behaviors that harm your chances of moving forward. That's the thing I am trying to get you to see. You are still fixated on her and whether she is being your loving committed W, or if she is being the WW you got a glimpse of when OM was still available.

So rather than insist that the PA is over, understand that it may just be paused. It may flare up when circumstances are right for it. It may simply be an EA right now. Or she could be completely over OM and ready to fully commit to the MR and R after her deployment. Or it could be somewhere in the middle of all that (which is way more likely!).

As far as not being sure of where you are right now, it is also part and parcel of you still not focusing on the right place......and that is on YOU! That is the beauty of DBing, it doesn't matter what the WAS is or isn't doing. You focus on you. GAL (sounds like you are doing this pretty well). Work on your 180s and self-improvements (become a man only a fool would leave!). And work on detaching your emotions from the things she says and does. If she calls tomorrow and says she wants to D because her an OM have been talking and they want to be together, then you continue on the above plan (GAL, 180s, detachment). IF she calls and says she loves you and can't wait to come home and work on the MR with you, you still stick to the plan (GAL, 180s, detachment). Regardless of what she says or does, you stick to the plan.

So based on that, let me deal with this: "I genuinely do think she's struggling with her sense of identity, but I'm trying to decide if that matters." So after the above paragraph (assuming you agree with the approach), what do you think? Does it or doesn't it matter?

Finally, I forget, are you in IC? If not do so pronto. Consistently checking to see if she emails shows you are still not detached. A good IC can help you work through all of that.