Needing some advice. What I am about to write has been keeping me up at night as it involves finances and our children. (Yes, I realise this is an extremely sensitive topic for both wives and husbands, and I hope this is not triggering for people, but I do realise I have to look after myself financially given the huge discrepancy in our ability to make a living right now. Financially he holds all the cards.)
The reason why i am so anxious about this is because I feel like my circumstance is pushing me into ending everything before I even have a chance to save it.
My problem is that I am a full time mum at the moment, totally reliant on my husband for finances. I used to have a job but that was made redundant last year. He is a high income earner. He has agreed to be honest and good about the finances. I realise that others have had it much harder than me when relationships break down. We share a joint account that his income goes into and he is currently paying for everything as I have no income. I do realise that he could have easily left me high and dry, but he is not that kind of person.
Both of us have gone to a lawyer for general info about finances although our separation Sitch remains informal at the moment. All remains the same except that he is now living elsewhere.
My lawyer has suggested that if I agree to allow him to have the girls stay over at his place in a 50/50 care arrangement (rather than say 60/40) that I could stand to lose a substantial amount of money should our situation reach divorce settlement.
I really want to avoid our marriage getting to this point - certainly not so soon before there may even be a chance to turn anything around.
My husband of course is aware of the implications and is pushing for 50/50. He is requesting more and more days for the kids to stay over and he has already stated that 50/50 is his goal.
I pointed this out to my lawyer and she said that if we couldn’t agree then we would have to go to mediation. Everything would be finalised - care arrangements, house selling, finances split etc.
I feel like this would really be the death knell to any future possible reconciliation. Posters on here have said I have heaps of time but I feel like I am being pushed into a divorce I don’t want.
Thought folks?
Me: 49 H: 48 BD: Oct 2020 H moves out: 31 Jan 2021 No OW as far as I know.
