Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[Elbereth]

I know we have a lot of similarities and even in the thick of the worst of it for me, there was definitely something satisfying to checking something off of my to-do list... and getting all my financials in line and having consults with D attorneys was HUGE for me. I know you've been through this before but maybe not with someone who is acting as douche-y as your H is, so I will bet that as painful as that process is, it will help you to feel more empowered and OK.

Yes, I agree...it does feel empowering. My last D was pretty easy. This one is a lot harder for all the reasons you point out (and more), but I think I'm finally settling into the fact that this is what I need to do for ME. I can't let him also affect my financial future...so I have to put a stop to it asap. I am so angry, I can't even imagine reconciliation right now, but if I decide it's an option in the future, then it's still possible regardless. I don't think I will ever merge my finances with someone ever again.

On the post-nup, if you haven't already, I'd talk to your L first to see how necessary it is now given the changing circumstances. Also, I seem to remember that your L isn't necessarily an experienced D attorney, right? I'd be sure to have those consults with someone who has a lot of experience with this kind of thing, especially how to deal without spending an arm and a leg on an H who is clearing out accounts and may be trying to hide assets. I'd be wondering a bit if it could possibly backfire, like if he's stolen from other accounts that aren't listed in the agreement, he/his attorney could claim that since they weren't mentioned in this agreement, you were approving his use. Or, if there are assets that he's hidden and aren't addressed here, that their omission means you are giving up your rights to your half. I know there are ways to add language into agreements like this to protect yourself, but I just think it is worthwhile to have the conversation first with a knowledgeable D attorney before moving forward with it now that things have changed somewhat.

Thanks May. All good ideas. As my D was a family referral, I wasn't sure what his experience was with divorces previously. Also crazy ones that are not standard. So we discussed and turns out, he is very familiar with them and does half his business per year in divorces. And he deals with larger clients (celebs, wealthy, govt.), so that was a relief. He also said he 'knows how to find hidden money' so he felt secure in his experience for my situation. Mmmm. Ha. And the fact that he is connected with a family member helps (for a very long time). We did speak of the agreement and he encouraged me to move forward with it and if he declines, then that is another thing for the case. It's written in a way that points out specific things as well as a blanket for more to come. At this point, I'd be pleasantly surprised if he comes through with signing it. So I am looking at it as more evidence for the judge to review. And S can affect things in my state too, so it hasn't helped H that he moved out and I didn't. He is acting like we are not married but we still are. My L feels strongly that we have a case that can provide evidence for a 'equitable division' as you say...not exactly a 50/50 split.

Wish me luck tomorrow night when I have H and the boys over for dinner...Steak was the request...so I will try not to cut anyone (or any 'dingaling') with my steak knife. haha. Had to throw that in there!