Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[may22]

One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. You got this, Elbereth. It $ucks but you have it.

I know we have a lot of similarities and even in the thick of the worst of it for me, there was definitely something satisfying to checking something off of my to-do list... and getting all my financials in line and having consults with D attorneys was HUGE for me. I know you've been through this before but maybe not with someone who is acting as douche-y as your H is, so I will bet that as painful as that process is, it will help you to feel more empowered and OK.

On the post-nup, if you haven't already, I'd talk to your L first to see how necessary it is now given the changing circumstances. Also, I seem to remember that your L isn't necessarily an experienced D attorney, right? I'd be sure to have those consults with someone who has a lot of experience with this kind of thing, especially how to deal without spending an arm and a leg on an H who is clearing out accounts and may be trying to hide assets. I'd be wondering a bit if it could possibly backfire, like if he's stolen from other accounts that aren't listed in the agreement, he/his attorney could claim that since they weren't mentioned in this agreement, you were approving his use. Or, if there are assets that he's hidden and aren't addressed here, that their omission means you are giving up your rights to your half. I know there are ways to add language into agreements like this to protect yourself, but I just think it is worthwhile to have the conversation first with a knowledgeable D attorney before moving forward with it now that things have changed somewhat.

If they attorney still thinks it is a good idea, then I would ask him to do it. I like Steve's approach-- hey, I know we talked about this before, just moving along this path as we go forward. If he says no, maybe drop it and go back to the attorney before pushing anything, especially as you're wanting to keep things as civil as possible for now. I also live in a no-fault state, but mine is 'equitable division' and the judge can take fault into account when dividing property, like if one party runs up a lot of debt or spends $ on the AP. But I don't know that in every state it matters when he SAYS he wanted a D vs when the D is filed-- I think in my state what matters is when it is filed. Some states also have a legal S option (mine does but it wouldn't have been useful) and that could also be something you might want to look into if you want.

Hang in there! What's one self-care item you have on the list for either before or after you see your H tomorrow?

M