New Beginnings Pt 3

[CanBird]

J: I've never had IC during this. Never to late right? Do I need it? Sometimes I think so, and other times I feel okay just speaking with a friend IRL, or expressing myself here.

Today I sent XH an email. (If you're following along, you know what email I'm talking about). It was SO hard for me to press send. Once again, I found my fight-or-flight mode go into overdrive. Thank goodness, I had a dear friend talk me through it. Literally. She encourage me through the whole process that took less than 5 minutes. She asked why it was so hard for me?

Good question. As usual with xh, I'm afraid of the unknown, and my brain associates unknowns with xh as fear, stress. As I type this, I know this is a conversation that has to happen, and xh knows this too. Why hasn't he been after me to settle anything? Because he doesn't want to do any heavy lifting? I'm assuming so. Let it be, and we'll see.

I need to LET GO and just let things happen as they will. Things can't go on as they are, and XH isn't doing anything. As I type this I'm feeling better about myself. Feeling stronger for taking charge of the situation. All I can do is ask for what I want. I forget which one of you here said that before, asking for what we want, and not being afraid. We'll never know if we don't ask, right?

PHEW..... exhale..... my heart is still racing a little. Maybe it was the second cup of coffee I had ...lol...

I hope all of you are well. And again, I appreciate everyone of you for the continued support shared.

ps- I have a tentative coffee date with bachelor #2. Stay Tuned!