She's OUT! #7

[Mumin]

From BL42's thread

BL42 and Mumin, you guys have very young children. How can you explain what's happening on their level? I think LBH's try to tell them too much, really. It's understandable, b/c you're dealing with a lot of nasty stuff. I just think you have to keep things very, very simple, b/c they cannot grasp adult stuff.

This week is the third week after physical seperation.
I am at a point where I am considering if saying: "If OM is to be sleeping over while kids are there I want to know in advance".

Seriously, why do you think you should be notified whenever the OM will be sleeping over? I've never heard of a WW notifying her LBH in advance when she plans to do the other guy. If you don't want them to laugh in your face, I suggest you drop that idea.

Mumin, you've previously said similar things about wanting to know in advance when OM will be staying at your W's place. When will you realize that it's none of your business? Unless you see some signs the children are suffering from the OM in some way, where you get officials involved, you can't help what goes on in your W's personal life.

The sense of loss of control must be unbearable for you. I don't say this coldly. My family has experienced the same situation with one of our adult children. It's horrible, and there is nothing you can do about it.

((((Big Hugs))))

Hi Sandi, thanks for replying and sorry BL for hijacking (though it sounds like your battling similar thoughts).
Its great with these posts because they force me to think through things.

I fully agree with you Sandi that keeping things simple and without details is the right course. However, if it is possible to communicate/co-parent around introducing new people in the children's lives I think that's a good thing. Heck XW herself got angry and asked me to communicate when I was introducing a babysitter to the kids.

So to the sleeping over issue. My wording above was a bit unfortunate. To be clear I DO NOT want her to let me know every time. Just the thought is appalling.
What I am after is to get a heads-up if/when she is going to be introducing him more in their lives, and it doesnt have to be the sleeping over.
However, as I (like you) believe it is a very dramatic experience for a child that small to suddenly find another man in Moms bed I feel it is the duty of me as a father to say something. Especially when XW seems to not be sure about anything in her life and I think she might actually consider my opinion.

I am not 100% sure about this and I am battling, letting things go vs what's in the best interest of my children.

Will post this same message in my own thread if you would like to answer.