It's a lot to take in. You've trusted and invested in this person for over 10yrs, and now they've betrayed you and are running in the opposite direction. I remember that feeling of wasted time/money/energy after BD#1. I still trust, but I extend less credit and ensure the "give and take" lie closer to a balance point.
You sound strong and I'm glad to see you taking steps to protect yourself such as asking your STBXH to sign a post-nuptial at your lawyer's recommendation. In my state, most financial protections set in at the moment one of you is served. It sounds like that hasn't happened yet, but you're close to it.
