You are correct, and you aren't alone. Many men are poor at listening and empathizing. (We do have our strengths.) I think A LOT of men struggle with this in relationships. Two guys can sit around watching a game all night and barely talk or listen to each other, and neither feels the worse for wear.
My #1 goal after my divorce was to improve in this area. It doesn't come naturally. About a month ago I realized I was starting to fall back into old habits with my GF, and I've been determined not to backslide since. I'm glad to hear that you are actively working on this.
Harvey, you are right!
Here's my example from this week (I'm at Sally's house now). I've been hearing about her parents now for months, but have been unable to meet them because of covid. But yesterday were were both going through pictures and I asked to see some videoclips of her parents. So I finally got to hear her mom's voice, from a recent Christmas. It was a beautiful voice. It was a loving and sweet voice. It made her mom come more alive. And you know something? Just asking to see the videoclips was important to Sally, along with the compliments about her mom. Sometimes we have to let instinct guide us.
Suggestion -- do you know about your GF's relatives and friends? If you don't, since it's still winter, find some rainy or cold day and spend the entire afternoon going through pictures and learning about them. Take notes. Remember where Uncle Jim and Aunt Betty went to college, the city they live in, that funny story about them. Listen actively when she tells you the name of her best from childhood, and where she is now, and details about her. This is not only good communication but it is also respect, as I've learned. My therapist said that among everything else, respect is about "accepting someone's influence on your life." I still ponder what this means but it most certainly includes letting her life have a big impact on how you think, how you behave, what interests you, and what things you think about, e.g., her friends and family.
