First, a quick apology. I spend much of my internet time in radical feminist spaces and this may not be the place for this discussion. It might not even be related to my initial point. However, I do welcome any and all respectful points of view!
DnJ, you are absolutely right-- men do not have a monopoly on individual bad behaviour. Your XW is case in point.
You, also, in my opinion, are functioning at a higher level of consciousness than most men. When I wrote my post, I was excluding you in my mind as I typed I don't like using the #notallmen disclaimer because in my experience dialoguing with men, it tends to descend into defensive whataboutism and false equivalencies rather than parsing the core issue of my post, a cause I am very passionate advocating against-- the systemic misogyny behind our patriarchal culture. And all men, including you, benefit from living inside this framework.
But, if it helps lower defenses... #notallmen.
I'm not hurting. Nor am I bitter, or a man-hater, or a feminazi, or whatever other epithets that MRAs, redpillers and/or conservatives like to throw around. I prefer to think of myself as woke. It's impossible to spend time in radfem spaces around radfem people without the scales falling from your eyes. It becomes impossible to ignore that our social, economic, religious, and cultural institutions are designed to function upon the subjugation and exploitation of women. This is not a bug within these systems, it's a core feature.
Yes, women do use men for sex, money, and/or resources. Men provide protection and help create children. Whether right or wrong, these women are exploiting the system to their benefit, because the system is built around ensuring men have easy and free access to women's labour and women's bodies. Despite the statistically heightened risk of violence and death that exists for women in heterosexual relationships, women do continue to use men to provide things they are denied or prevented from accessing easily-- most of which boil down to the autonomy provided by financial independence.
Of all the women in the world who were intentionally killed in a recent year, more than half were murdered by their male partner or male family member. Women continue to be overrepresented as victims in intimate partner homicides while over 80 percent of offenders are men. Women and girls together account for 72 percent of all human trafficking victims, with girls representing more than three out of every four child trafficking victims. Most women and girls are trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation, with others being sold into slavery or for physical labour.
In heterosexual relationships, women are more likely to be the lower earners, meaning their jobs are considered a lower priority when disruptions (like COVID, for example, which has been disastrous for workforce equality) come along. Across the world, women—including and (oddly enough) especially those who work outside the home—do more housework and have less leisure time than their male partners. The 'second shift' disproportionately applies to women.
As a young mother recently returned to the workforce from maternity leave, I was extraordinarily fortunate that my X leaving had very little financial impact due to my high-paying field of work. Other women in my position who gave up their careers to raise children would have been left destitute and homeless in an instant. Male financial success is built off the back of unpaid or underpaid female labour. The exploitation of SAHMs, secretaries, cooks, childcare workers, cleaners and casual workers (ie. a female-skewed workforce) serves to grease the wheels of the economy.
Speaking more on the gendered effects of pandemics worldwide. Restricted movement, social isolation, and economic insecurity are increasing women’s vulnerability to violence in the home around the world. School closures affect girls’ life chances, because many (particularly in third world countries) drop out of education completely to help at home. (A rise in teen pregnancy rates exacerbates this trend.) Domestic and sexual violence against women both rise alarmingly without a proportionate increase in funding for services. And more women die in childbirth because resources are diverted elsewhere due to the necessary distortion of healthcare systems.
Men and women are not equal and never will be as long as a man's presence in her life reduces her chance of survival. A woman will love a man even if it kills her. A man says he loves a woman even as he kills her. That's the difference.
I don't like using the #notallmen disclaimer because in my experience dialoguing with men, it tends to descend into defensive whataboutism and false equivalencies rather than parsing the core issue of my post, a cause I am very passionate advocating against-- the systemic misogyny behind our patriarchal culture. And all men, including you, benefit from living inside this framework.