Total newbie looking for encouragement

[OnlyBent]

I want to thank you all so much for your replies. I am grateful I have found this place to put down my thoughts and receive advice from people who care and understand. Yes, I am in a pretty dark place right now, this being so fresh and it is utterly overwhelming. I am here crying like a baby because while I know I can’t control what he wants, I really don’t want what is happening right now.

Hi Luck, I am sorry you are going through this, it is awful, but please know, things will get better, this feeling will not last forever. It is great that you are here, DejaVu and Steve85 have got you started with some great advice. Read all the homework and Steve85's link. It is one thing to be grateful to be here, but more importantly follow the advice given as hard as it may be. Know that we have all been where you are, so we understand.

I wonder, will acting “as if” offend him further? Will he think I am selfish and not thinking about his hurt?

Forget about what he will or won't think, the focus must be on you. This has been trotted out time and again, like in an airplane emergency, focus on your oxygen mask first.

Also, for those of you who are piecing or reconciling - how did this begin? Did you avoid contact until they initiated? I know that I am in very early days and I shouldn’t expect anything like this for a while. Everything just feels so urgent in my mind right now. I’m like a ball of spinning anxiety.

Forget about Piecing or R, this is prob a long way away if ever. Get acquainted with the reality that you may not R ever and be fine with that. You have to be fine with that, what is your other option, you cannot control your H. Read the advice, read the DR book and most importantly let him go. Nothing is urgent, you have more time than you realise. Urgency will make you do things that will only hurt you further and your situation.

Of all the stories and reading that I have done, pretty much everyone who R'd did so after letting go, and the ones whod didn't R went on to do great anyway because they had let go!