I'm sure you've grown in other areas. I recall you have a list? Consider adding this! If I recall correctly your ex-wife asked for therapy, indicated communication was a problem, and now won't talk to you. Make listening a habit, so it's easy even on a hard day after your honeymoon period with Sally.
Thank you and this is excellent advice I took to heart, in fact many months ago.
One of the things I learned (therapy has helped a lot here) is that respect is so central to all relationships, and is even more central than communication, only because if you live a life of respect then communication almost becomes automatic!
We are all guilty of not listening actively, especially when our spouse, SO, or close friend is talking too long about something that is not of interest to us. Sure, we might claim to respect that spouse, but if we really REALLY respected them we would actively listen not when it's important to us, but when it's important to them. Especially then.
I've been working on this actively with Sally. Sometimes I even take notes. Usually it's about those friends of hers that I can't meet because of covid, or something about her mother or family. If the topic comes up a month later, and I remember itsy bitsy details that everyone else forgets, I get a wonderful reaction -- "Tom, you remember that? Thank you!'
To me at least, communication problems are often the result of putting up walls, or being unreachable, or not caring enough. If I can respect those I love enough to care about what they care about, and try to be consistently good at it, then I think I have taken a big first step.
My ex would have called me a terrible communicator. She would be right, although we had both fallen into this pattern. But here we are with a broken marriage, and Tom 2.0 is doing his darndest, as if he were a teenager, to show more respect and through that be a better listener and communicator.
