Yes, the only thing we can actually control, change, or update is us. Our thoughts, our actions and reactions, and our outlook of the world.
I look back on my situation and “it” hasn’t changed. XW is still the same. However, I am not. So, with accuracy, my situation did change. My view changed, well I changed my view. Same external inputs, same external events, yet different outcome and viewpoint.
We are part of our situation. We are embroiled within it. We can never escape it - for it is our life. That is acceptance; finding peace within the storm. A peace that calms our storm, whilst our spouse’s storm rages.
Living a good life obviously affect us. It also influences those around us; our kids, parents, friends, colleagues, the checkout gal at the grocery store, and so on.
We might even influence our spouse. That depends a lot upon them. We have zero control over them or anyone really. That’s the beacon part of things.
A lighthouse is. It just is. Its light shines for all who will look to it, and have the good fortune to be in proximity of it.
H is still at home. H is even helping carrying in the groceries. He has the opportunity and good fortune to be within the beam of a caring lighthouse. Maybe, slowly, he will make the most of that. That is up to him. And his path is a convoluted one, full of fears and past torments.
It is good to thank H for his sincere helping out with things. He does shrink away from too much positive reinforcement, as you’ve seen. And you, correctly, have adjusted for that. At times, he is a lost little boy, or an angry teenager, or a hurt desolate man. He is a lost soul. One which is learning how to reach out - even if it only looks like carrying groceries.
His path, like ours, is internal. Perhaps his view will shift as well.
Keep living well. Work and build upon yourself. H’s path is up to him. Your path is up to you.
Shine bright.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
