Welcome 134luck. I am glad you found your way here. Even if you do not reconcile with your husband, you will find this forum very helpful in keeping you on the right track to a better future...whatever that turns out to be. Reading your story definitely took me back. I remember how awful the first six months were and what a relief it was when I was able to truly switch my focus from my H to me. Detachment, if you can get there, is such a blessing and it opens up a world of possibilities. Please do not be afraid of that. Fear keeps you stuck.
Re: your H. When you wrote about him getting his own place and buying your D’s bed, etc... I remembered how I felt when I found out my H had done that with our kids. It was full steam ahead in his mind...no turning back. I think that is where your husband is at too. He has been thinking about doing this for awhile (sorry...stats show that by the time you hear the ILYBINILWY speech, your spouse has been working on an exit plan for a year or more). He has done the hardest thing by telling you and moving out and now he feels relieved and excited to get started on the new life he has been imagining. He has no intention of reconciling right now. It doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t change his mind in the future but you need to really understand that there is NOTHING you can do to convince him to come back to you. All you can do is accept that this is where he is at right now and get on with your life the same way you would if he had died. That’s truly the best thing you can do for yourself and it is also the hardest...but it can be done...one small step at a time.
Be sure to read all of the links that Cadet provided for you. Knowledge really is power. If I could give you one tip that I really wish I had understood right from the start, it would be this... “Do not make any decisions or do anything when you are feeling really emotional or upset about something. Take a step back. Breathe. Wait for the feelings to fade so that you can make a decision with your rational mind. Even better...come on here and post about what it is you are thinking of doing BEFORE you do it. Even the people who do damaging things in their own situations are usually able to look at someone else’s situation objectively and give them some pretty good advice.
I know it seems impossible right now, you will get through this. You will feel happy again. One day you may even find yourself excited about your own new life. My bomb day was two years ago and I have experienced so many things and met so many people that I wouldn’t have if this had not happened to me. Even though the life I have now was not the one I planned, it is still a great life. Make yours a great life too. (((HUGS)))
