Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[Elbereth]

Some additional advice I gleaned from the boards that might help:

-- set up consultations with the top three D lawyers in your town. Once they've consulted with you (normally a free hour on the phone or something) they can't represent your H due to conflict of interest, so you'll have your pick of the top Ls and he won't have access to any of them.

-- with him starting to clean out accounts, you need to immediately (if you haven't already) set up your own accounts where he does not have access and be sure your paychecks, etc. go there. I'd cancel joint credit card accounts. Some folks recommend moving half of your assets to an account he can't get into. I don't know about all of this but you should at least speak to an L and look into what is best for you right now, given his behavior.

-- in my state, if your H runs away and spends $$ on his "special friend" (as one of the Ls I spoke to called it) the judge will usually put those expenses exclusively on him. Debts run up in the same way can go to his side of the ledger. Document it all. Do you have a good handle on your entire financial situation? If you don't, that might be a decent way to spend the weekend while you wait for an appointment with an L.

I am fairly sure he started an online 'easy' process, as I saw documents and a billing issue, but he hasn't served me. My L did tell me to move what funds I could and I did. He didn't tell me to remove myself from joint cards, and not sure how to do that if I'm also managing the home expenses, and paying for food, etc. for the kids...his kids. All the bills and such come from joint account. As or the 'special friend' in my state it's no fault so the post-nuptial agreement was supposed to help with that issue...if I can even get him to sign. As for the rest, considering this isn't our first D rodeo and crazy XW, there is not a lot to share...some retirement, some assets. Not a lot of funds just sitting around. I don't know if that is good or bad.

He stopped by earlier and it took all my strength not to put a fork in his eye, I'm so angry and confused. But I acted normal. He didn't even notice I had been crying...he's so not engaged. I have a decent handle on the financial situation, but not sure of some recent changes on his end. But I've gathered what I can. Still waiting for my L to call me back, and good idea about interviewing with others in the area. I am looking for referrals now.

May, you and I are a lot alike, I can tell from reading your sitch. One thing in my favor is I have patience and I am detail oriented and he isn't, so I expect that he will feel overwhelmed by the upcoming process more than I will. My spreadsheets will drive him crazy. I'm very strong, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. A lot.

I'm keeping it quiet until I talk to my lawyer...only told my BFF. H is burning bridges with all friends and family, but I guess that is part of the MLC process...and obviously, my H is still in replay. I know I'll be fine without him, but it wasn't what I wanted.

Thanks for being there...it helps a lot!