WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)

[97Hope]

I buy all the 1/2 off chocolate the day after Vday. It's my reward and also a sign that I love myself.

Here's the thing - issuing orders or directives to do/not do something where you cannot control the outcome is pointless, smells like weakness and leads to further disrespect and not being taken seriously. You understand this. However, expressing disapproval of an inappropriate situation without any directive or threatened consequence is something different. If done properly - calmly, matter-of-factly, with control - it does not have the same downsides IMO.

..for those who are at or can get to the point of emotional control and calm inner strength, expressing disapproval of actions that they strongly disagree with (particularly when it comes to their kids) actually shows strength. Detachment does not equate to head in the sand and ignorance of bad behavior that affects your kids.

I had to do this when X was drinking and driving with our son. No way was I going to let that fly, although I couldn't (and shouldn't) 'control' X - I did tell him that it was not ok. If it happened again I would call the police and I told S17 (at the time) not to get in the car with him.

Of course X went off on me. It was ugly. I actually recorded the conversation (to keep me calm and strong, not to use against him).

I used that old adage "Will this matter in 10 minutes, 10 weeks, 10 years?" - Big FAT yes to all three. Had something happened, and I didn't stand for my kids and grandkids, I wouldn't have been ok.

Fast forward 3 years later - S27 lit into him because he was drinking and driving with the grands. (apparently he had gotten better and then relapsed) I'm glad I spoke up. I'm glad my S27 spoke up.

It's good to have a line. It's going to be different for everyone, but we can't let the fear of 'losing them' override good common sense and protection of our kids. If we live in the realm of "the M is dead", fear can't dictate our choices and motivations.