I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[Mumin]

The sad thing is that deep in my heart I still think that R would be the best for us four and my head keeps pushing me to fight when I know I should just leave her alone and rebuild myself as a man to 100%.

The most powerful thing for me was to realize, no matter how much I wanted exactly what you described here, I knew it would never be right and it never work unless it came from her.
She HAS to be the one to initiate R or it will NEVER EVER work. Not a chance.
Put that it your mind then no matter how much you want to R, that realization should hold you back.