5 years pieced & COVID SIP has silver linings

[may22]

Hi Blu,

Thanks for posting an update. I've been thinking of you and your work and am so very glad to hear you've received both doses of the vaccine. I'm also really happy to hear also that you guys have reached a place where the past doesn't occupy much real estate and you can enjoy your lives together, the kids, the silver linings of this crazy time, the hot tub. (I want a hot tub!! But I think I will settle for a soaking bathtub... emailed the contractor today.)

I wanted to let you know just how important your words have been to me. One thing you have said from the start is that true remorse needs humility. That word really stuck with me, partially because I wasn't seeing it in my H but also that I didn't know, truly, if he was capable of it given his personality. So this has been something that sat in the corner of my mind even as I have dismissed my desire to see my H choking on his remorse, the rending-of-the-clothes version of R as a fantasy.

We had a number of conversations over the past week and weekend, and lo and behold... the humility has finally arisen. That word is the perfect description and it hit me in the face like a slap when I realized what I was hearing and seeing, finally, was what you said all along was a very necessary part of the process. It is excruciating in a way to have to watch this process unfold right in front of your eyes, oh-so-slowly, and of course I'm also looking for actions on top of words. But I just wanted to share with you how meaningful your posts have been for me, how helpful it is to have the guidance of someone who has walked a similar (though not the same) path before.

The other thing that has really stayed with me and helped me so much was a long post you gave me right at the beginning. I copied and pasted it to my phone and read it over and over every day. That I was the queen of my castle and should hold my head high. I have a notes section of my phone and was going back over things and saw it... it still rings so true today for me, and your words really got me through a very difficult time.

Fingers crossed for travel when the time is right!

xx May