I wouldn’t leave XH alone in the house. It sounds like the kids don’t want to be alone with him either.
When my XW was coming over during the first week or so after BD and moving in with her OM, I didn’t let her wander around the house - she left. And I was ensuring things didn’t go missing, and then we start splitting assets with some things already gone. She didn’t like it. Too bad! She left. (I didn’t like either but I followed the advice I was given.)
This is business. His visit is not reconciling, he still has an OW, and is still wanting a divorce. You know you can tell him, he is not welcome at the house and to stay somewhere else. You and the kids are willing and looking to a new start, and new house. (Making the best of a horrible situation I realize btw).
Divorce is messy. H is thinking and wanting some Hollywood fantasy life, divorce, movie, blah, blah, type thing. A wee bit of the reality of his situation is smacking him across the face at the moment. Good. Now, don’t you go walking around on eggshells. Stand your ground and utilize boundaries.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
... there will come times when they have to go to the other country alone to visit him...
No, they are over the age of 12 (unless your locale is different) and they get to choose who they live with and how they visit them. With one at 16 and two at 13, H has little say and control over them.
As my lawyer pointed out to me, strictly speaking kids over 12 do choose where they live, and visitation can be forced by the courts. But, a kid will make that visit horrible if they don’t want to be there. So, visitation may be forced but doesn’t endure, the wayward parent will give up long before the child will wear down.
There is no need to explain your actions to H. He isn’t going to listen and will use anything and everything against you. He is actively working to divorce you. Stay business-like, do not welcome him to “your” home. If he insists, fine, then he can sleep on the couch in the basement, and look after himself. You and the kids have lives to live and things to do.
Suggest he stay somewhere else and visit the kids away from the house. You can use the reason, we are divorcing.
Depending on his reaction, there are legal avenues you can take. Speak to a lawyer and learn your rights. You may not need to enact them. Knowledge is power, and to know before you need to know is most helpful. Forewarned is forearmed. This is a business deal gone bad. It gets messy. (((Hugs)))
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
