Tired

[Ready2Change]

I stumbled on the forum about two months ago and have found the vets' comments on people's sitches sobering, helpful and right on target. I really need your advice and I hope someone finds a bit of time to provide some guidance.... I really appreciate everyone's wisdom and the shared personal experiences on the forum

Sorry to read your familiar story. I will give you my 2 cents.

Long story short, she met this guy who was about to have his own divorce and they spend the evening flirting and kissing....A month after she met the guy at the event she went out to meet with him for drinks and something else. I found out on the next day that something was amiss but had no proof and the gaslighting was unbelievable. ....she admitted that the guy came to town to see her and they went out "for lunch"...and wants to move to a bigger city that is more than 3000 km away to be with him.

Do not try to control her. Control how you respond. Read the boundary thread.

Since September of last year the interactions between us have gotten worse. We have decided to do an IHS and will go to mediation to figure out a few things that we need to straighten out. She has decided that she does not want to live anymore in the town that we lived for the last 10 years .... While we are doing the IHS she is still talking to her "friend" and is planning to go visit him soon for a few days, while telling me that she is visiting one of her girlfriends. We are doing IHS because she does not have the financial means to move out. I have asked her a few times to move out and told her that I do not want to live in an open relationship and if she doesn't want our family anymore she is free to go

If cheating on you crosses your marriage boundary, file for divorce. Part of divorce is someone moves out of the house.

get your advice one one thing:
As I am aware of all her plans to spend a lovely "vacation" with OM should I really push for kicking her out of the house? As in give her the ultimatum - she either goes to spend time with him and I will not allow her back home (her name is not listed anywhere on the home deed) ....It is very disrespectful towards me and very painful as well. I am planning to tell her that I know that her trip will be to meet OM and not her girlfriends (as she claims). Am I being too controlling in that situation?

When she lies, do not let her know WHAT you know or HOW you know, just that you DO know:
"Do not take me for a fool, we both know that is a lie"

IHS---> While she is gone, take over the master bedroom if you haven't already. Carefully and respectfully put her things into the "Guest bedroom". Learn to Validate her feelings.

"I decided I will be sleeping in the MBR."


Let me know if you want me details.

I wish you well during this difficult period of your life. Just know that things do get better. We are all examples of people who are thriving after the worst events of our lives.