Onward and Upward!

[97Hope]

I started dating about eight months after BD once I had signed the separation agreement. I wasn’t sure I was ready but I was sure there was no going back and I wanted to move forward. In hindsight, it was exactly what I needed. I think when something like this happens to us, we have this inner fear that no one will be attracted to us or that we “blew” our chance at happiness somehow. I quickly discovered that wasn’t the case and it was the boost I needed to get through those final stages of detachment from my previous life and marriage. Notice that I said my life and not my ex? I realized that I had been alone for years before my XH actually left so it wasn’t so much him that I was detaching from but it was more from the idea of him and the life that I thought we would actually have together. They were just thoughts. ..not the reality. Once I figured that out and accepted it, moving on just came naturally.

This makes so much sense. I have been alone for many years as well, so it is pretty insulting to hear that I need time "on my own".

I’m sure there were people in my life who thought it was too soon for me to date. My brother even told me he thought I should be alone for a couple years first. That kind of blew me away. But he lives on the other side of the country and didn’t really understand where I was at emotionally. He was just imagining himself in the same situation and telling me what he thought he would need to do if he was me. He’s not me though. And his marriage is not mine. So...I thanked him for his opinion and did what I thought was right for me.

They are not me and their marriage isn't mine. Yes, I'm doing what is right for me.

I don’t think there is any harm at all in casually dating someone as long as you are honest with people about where you are at. Re: your friend. Do you need her to introduce you to this guy? Or is there another way you could meet him? I wouldn’t totally give up on the idea if there is a way you could cut her out of the picture.

(((Hugs)))

((((((Deja))))) Thanks. Funny you should say that. I decided to reach out to him on my own. I need my friend to get his number, but honestly, if she says 'no' then we've got other issues.