She's being kind, and I can't help that my stance is me looking like a non-kind person.
I want to gently challenge this notion.
Originally Posted by JHopeful
Good morning-I imagine that is going to be a big relief for you to get that finally taken care of, unfortunately though I can’t watch her during those hours tho. I think M hours may have changed for the better so you can ask her.
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Thanks for checking, I'm not available.
I believe my answer is kind. It expresses gratitude for her checking with you before checking with a sitter, and in a timely fashion lets her know you're unavailable so she can pursue other options. If you detect any unkindness in this reply, please call it out, as it's how I would answer and I strive to be kind.
I get the point you see your wordiness as building a bridge. Maybe a more appropriate analogy is throwing a lifeline across a bridge that you both had a role in weakening and that she demolished? Your hope doesn't help you detach. Your availability doesn't help her feel your loss. "I'm here anytime you need me", without helicoptering, is what they recommend parents do to help their children feel safe to explore the world on their own. Maybe you'd rather your ex look back and say, "Huh! The other side of the bridge isn't so amazing.." and look back towards you? With detachment comes healing, and space for self-improvement if you choose that road. Maybe they look back.. and find a better you. Maybe they don't and it's all for you.
((Hugs)) Be kind. Accept they're done for now. Be true to yourself.
