H called me this evening. Unfortunately, the conversation was absolutely not good, but now I know which direction he wants to go. And this further reinforces my feeling that I must effectively become financially independent from him.
At first he absolutely does not understand why I currently do not want regular contact with him for now. He would like to come and stay in the house with the children soon ... and he also wants me to be there. I told him that this was not going to work for me, that when he comes to visit now, that I was going to stay somewhere else so he could spend a few days with the kids. He absolutely did not understand this.
He also talked about the divorce, first in a friendly manner. That he would like to buy the house, that I would get half immediately (by the way I am fully entitled, but in his eyes he gives me a gift) so that in the meantime I can already buy something else and for example rent it out for the time being, and that I could live in the house with the children for free, until he decided to return, and made it clear that this would not happen in the first years.
Then I honestly asked him how this could last if he suddenly had to return for his job, or if he wanted to visit our children, he wouldn't be able to stay here overnight, or if someone else came into my life. Then suddenly it was a lot less friendly.
No one comes into his house without his permission, he is not a toy. Literally his words. From then on rent will be paid or I will have to leave the house. He also started talking about the fact that several people (mainly his family which is the truth) had been in the house in recent weeks and probably already had a good time on his wine ... and this without him!
Basically, these are just a few examples of what I mean by the control he wants to keep, and I don't want that anymore. Not for myself, but certainly not for the children.
We talked about alimony at the time and things went completely wrong there too. The bottom line was that everything I said he was constantly going against it and wanted to provoke a discussion.
@DnJ, I continue to sincerely believe I should follow your path and I will. Please always give me your honest opinion, as you did again today. I really appreciate that because it makes me look at things in a different way and I really need that. One thing is certain, we are dealing with a different kind of MLC’er, you with a vanisher, me with a clinging boomerang and therefore the approach may be different. Today I still don't feel any hatred towards him, not a shred. It is and remains very clear that he is in deep crisis, hence the understanding and acceptance. But I know I will have to take the distance and push it through to be independently, because he will continue to do what he does today if I accept his proposal.
The house where you live today and have also lived with XW is yours, if I were in that situation I would certainly not leave our house. But unfortunately it is not possible in my case. And I can live with that perfectly. They are only bricks after all, and I will be able to buy another very nice house with the money I get from the current one, but that will be mine, and mine only.
I will definitely make up the list and share it with you. But I think I have already mentioned a few things here why I should not continue to live in the house when he buys it.
@Kml I hope you have enough information to understand what the situation is today. I have already talked about this with the children themselves and they find it absolutely no problem to have a new beginning, in a new home of our own. Thank you for giving me good advice.
I sometimes feel that this forum and therefore all of you are the only ones who really understand what we are dealing with.
