When WW first announced the separation, she asked me for an open marriage. She was given this advice by a friend of the family who was also cheating on her husband. I said no to this, and that it's not something I feel comfortable with.
At that time, she wanted to keep the house and buy me out but on her salary it wasn't possible, so she would need to get a better paying job. We agreed to have an in-house separation and she wanted a separation agreement in writing. We went back and forwards on the separation agreement until we agreed (reluctantly, I'll explain why) on everything. We would have designated areas to sleep in and would co-parent our kids. At that time, she did not currently have OM. She wanted a clause that allowed her to date but she agreed not bring anyone back to the house, even telling me "I prefer a guy with kids but who doesn't want any more kids."
I very reluctantly added that to the agreement [and I add here I guess I fell into that trap you speak of CWarrior], though I myself had no intention of dating. I still wanted to save my marriage. I have children at home and didn't want to put them through all that and expose them to that lifestyle. One could say I was fearful of what would happen if I didn't agree to her dating other men - part of me hoped she wouldn't and I actually believed she wouldn't because she was a good person with morals and a good mother. Boy was I wrong about that.
The agreement was signed and notarized but less than two weeks later, before the ink had barely dried, she was already seeing someone in secret, lying to my kids about who she was hanging out with and coming home after midnight. She told me she didn't want to find a better job or buy me out and was focused on OM.
She kept lying to me and told me she was separated. I told her you are a married woman who lives with her husband and kids. You have not left the home nor have you filed for divorce. You are not separated and that is just a pretend status to justify your actions. she screamed the place down when I told her this.
Her response was: "Separation was in August. I was faithfully married to that point and after that I considered myself free. That's all there is to it. You feel betrayed, I get it. Clearly you will never see it for what it is."
Four months later she decided he was the one and started planning on moving in with him and he has children from a previous marriage.
