WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)

[BL42]

Adam04,

Happy belated bday. I don't have much to offer for advice, I think you're killing it on all fronts. Stay detached, keep busy and keep doing what you're doing with the kids.

Thanks for the encouragement and support! I am crushing it with the kids, no doubt, and doing alright overall - glad it's showing through in the posts.

Regarding om and the kids, sounds like that's going to be an emotional trigger for you. You've handled it well and you luckily got great people giving you great advice as there is very little you can do regarding the other camp. One thing I want to say and I think it goes along with what Sandi mentioned about giving the WW the one up and how it affects the kids' trust, is that you want to always be coming from a place of strength. The less you show ww and om the better imo.

Very true. I don't think it's appropriate OM2 sleeps over with them there. This isn't the life / model I wanted for the kids, though as everyone rightfully points out that's beyond my control. Thanks for the advice - I'll continue to act strong.

Kudos for not accepting anything from the WW. You're right, she could be trying to extend the olive branch because she is getting what she wants and is feeling a little guilty but it doesn't change anything. It doesn't mean anything.

Thanks! It made me feel good/strong inside to turn it down.

Keep your guard up and your wits about you as you move into the agreements on the D. So far it sounds like it's amicable, but its too early to tell. She sounds like she is getting what she wants but those little flare ups with the MIL and her calling your phone the way she did...(I'm a little suspect). I'd keep running everything through your attorney and keep your cards close to your chest. We don't know if om2 can become om3, etc...you don't know how bad it can get.

Will do. There have been some contentious points (W talks to kids without me...etc.) but I suppose it's been relatively amicable until now. Neither of us fought the 50/50 custody (though as I've mentioned in practice I care for the kids much more, between back/after school and Fridays), and in terms of child support though the law is ridiculous in our state in that I care for the kids more than her yet give her a sizable amount of money every month but it is what it is. The division of assets is the last step and the opening part of the home valuation was far, so hopefully that's a good sign, but she's yet to respond to the "let's each keep our own house, car, accounts...etc." email so we'll see. Even if that doesn't fly I'm still very well off, and have been mentally preparing on the financial outcome since the Summer.

With young children involved with this transition, if you haven't already, have you thought about seeking professional guidance from a counselor. The reason I say this is because you mentioned the children asking where is om2 in your presence and correct me if I am wrong, you stayed silent, right? That could have been the best thing to do at that point but maybe it was brought up for a reason and in their own way they are trying to communicate with you. Its tough, I don't have answers to that but if I was in that situation I'd definitely seek some guidance on when its okay to talk to children and at what age. If they have questions, what is okay and not okay to say that is age appropriate. I'm sure they will want reassurance from you.

I'm very concerned about the kids mental state, especially S5 because he's older and more aware of what used to be like. He's been sad and crying many times over the last six months. I think it's good he's opening up to my mother, as I've said she seems to be his "safe person". I've personally been in IC, but assume you're talking about the kids. I've been in contact with the school's counselor, social worker, and play therapist but with the virtual/hybrid schooling it's been tough to . My mom and I handle all the remote school work and have a great relationship with the teacher. I've thought about getting him a private child play therapist as well, but haven't yet. I'm torn on how he'll do because some sources online (even here) say it has a massive impact on kids and others say "they're resilient and will get over it and do great". My son's personality has changed a bit, and shows sadness and anger at times when he didn't use to, but 85-90% of the time he's doing great.[/quote]

Also awesome job with you handling everything when ya'll were quarantined. I have 2 boys at home with a few scares over the last few weeks. I commend you because it's a lot of work keeping kids focused on their online learning, keeping up with the kid's missing assignments, and keeping them busy during quarantine.

Thanks! It's crazy, isn't it! The working remotely and remote schooling. It was a long and hard 2.5weeks and at times stressful, but then I felt a deep connection with the kids as well and that was nice. Good luck to you and your boys with the online learning!