Trying to heal from WW

[Ace_32]

Hi Adam, thanks for your message. Been trying to build up the emotional energy to respond, been in a place of despondency to my situation lately. I get what you are saying,i do tend to avoid my emotions but i will try to embrace and face them more. I realise that i cant avoid it forever and i need to go through the grieving process fully. Honestly think that if she died tragically or something rather than leaving and doing what she was doing it would be easier to deal with from a grieve point of view, but maybe that is just an ego thing.

I have been trying to get used to enjoying my own company again, its a slow process but im getting there slowly. Starting to gym and run more often again after drifting for a while. People are starting to notice a change in me and have mentioned it, i am also starting to get my sense of humour and my old personality back again which i think is a good sign.

I took 100% of the blame for a long time or at least 90%. Maybe because she always blamed me and basically told me its my fault she left, but she did alot wrong as well and i wasnt really happy either. What she is doing and how she left is so like her as well, she always runs away when things get hard or she doesnt want to deal with it anymore. I have my regrets but i dont take all the blame anymore, we could have made it work but she ran away and decided not to try. I probably didnt try hard enough, but i always listened when she said things bothered her and i tried to change my behavior and be better. I did slip up and go back to old ways but whatever i did it never seemed good enough anyway. We both struggled a bit with depression during the relationship and i think my negativity and stress from my studies did take its toll as well.

Well done on coming to the realization so quickly and being able to accept what was happening, i think it takes alot of us alot longer to come to that point. I think its fear and stubborness from my side to refuse to accept the reality of the situation because i literally refused to accept it in my mind, i guess thats denial. I cycle through all the stages constantly, it definitely isnt a linear process. I read a bit of your sitch, will try read it through when i have a bit of time.

Thanks for your advice and encouragement, i know i need to just get to acceptance and to understand that this is an opportunity to literally rewire my brain and become a better man and the person i was meant to be. Its so crazy how we need something like this to happen to make us realise we need to change and actually put the work in. It did break me down and i was very close to spiraling and going into a hole of depression but im not done fighting yet and im goi g to come out of this stronger and better than i have ever been.