OK, stbxw is out of the house for a couple days, which gave me and D18 some bonding time. Made fried rice for the first time and watched Mad Max. I was surprised she enjoyed the movie and the fried rice came out great.
Ill be gone for a 2 week trip when stbxw comes back so we'll be aprt for about 2 weeks. Then its on to D negotiations.
So far I went from trying to save the marriage to trying to figure out something for daughters and myself to saving myself. Its like the oxygen mask analogy, I have to put mine on before helping others.
I do not know where my daughters will be living in the fall. Stbxw has made some vague commenst about getting an apartment in this county. I dont know if shes being deceptive and she has a plan, or if there is no plan. I am retired and could stay here, or move to a different area for a job. Both daughters will be in college in the fall, but we dont know where D18 is going yet. It seems like stbxw thinks we are going to be divorced, and she stays in the house while i pay al the bills.
I am doing my best but I feel that everything is going to fall apart, and then have to be rebuilt. I am geting no cooperation from stbxw in planning our daughters future. My buddy who works in family law says he has no doubt that this is going to bring me closer to my daughters because as this progresses, they will see how stbxw has been putting herself first and everyone else last. I thought about writing a letter to myself with a postmark detailing all the lies and gaslighting of stbxw so I have it in the future when all the dust settles, and have a timeline to show my Ds both our roles in this mess.I dont know if stbxw is trying to trying to make herself good, but I think if she had served me when she dropped the bomb and moved out, that she would have looked worse at first but better in the long run when all to lies and half truths come out.
And LH, the comment about WW motivation was spot on. Stbxw managed to find, meet with and retain an attorney within a week of D's 18th birthday. I have no interest in remaining married to her. She wants an uncontested divorce, as do I. But that requires all parties to act in good faith. I think 2 problems we may have is her attorney is incompetent, and stbxw is a liar, and probably not telling her attorney all the facts. Last year I was complaining about not having enough money to pay the property taxes, and she had 55k in her checking account. She has more now and I guess that I will find out how much in discovery. I will also get to see her credit card statements which I think will be interesting because she was away over NYE, left without saying good byes to Ds, never contacted them and never even told them when she was coming back. So the CC statments might reveal where she actually was, because she just lies about everything.
And D21 still does not know we are getting divorce(She's in college). Stbxw gave the daddy and mommy are having trouble sppech to Ds on 12/8, and said nobody is getting divorced soon and retained a lawyer about 45 days later.
I am still amazed how i went in four months from having complete faith and trust in stbxw for the last 27 years to have someone I dont trust at all. 27 years is more than half of her life, and I had no clue to her complete lack of character. I wonder who is the real her?
