I think I may have a difference of opinion with the larger group on the question of ultimatums. There are two problems with ultimatums. First, you cannot use an ultimatum to control the actions of another person, even though that is what you are trying to do. I won't fault anyone for trying, because the very first thing I tried was an ultimatum. Second, if you issue an ultimatum, then you absolutely must follow through immediately and stick to your guns. That is very hard to do. However, if you issue an ultimatum, follow through when your spouse picks the other person, and jump right on the DB train, I support that.
But, if you aren't going to follow through with the consequences of the ultimatum, do not give an ultimatum.
