It does suck, there's no denying that but we can try to make it less sucky by doing things. We create our own happiness. So if something bothers you, identify it and figure out how you want to deal with it. If it's a way of thinking and how you're feeling, control that. Try to watch something funny on tv. Go outside and run, do something worthwhile that you enjoy. If things come up and you know they're feelings you have to process, be patient and kind to yourself, allow yourself to feel the emotions and let them cycle through. It may not make sense at first and you might struggle with it but the more you do and create your own happiness, the less time you think about the things that bring you down. And of course when we wind down to sleep, those thoughts usually creep in. Save time for sleep, for sleep.
Save those deep thoughts for IC.
Ace, there can be a lot said about how messed up it is when the other person leaves us and we make the argument that we would never do the same. I don't justify their actions, but I won't say its 100% all their fault. They were the ones pulling the trigger. Sometimes what we do when we are unhappy is that we make it unpleasant for others too. When you said you had a terrible few years, what did you do to fix that and find happiness? I wonder if you fixed it at all or if you shifted that burden onto your W. Not saying you did that but it could very well be likely without you purposefully knowing. When we are negative we tend to bring others down with us. When we are positive, the same thing.
Regarding IHS, from what I remember it wasn't so bad for me. I heard of ppl saying it was a living hell. I didn't corollate two things at the time. People did say it allowed the LBS to always look over his shoulder at what the WAS was doing, but that's up to the person. I guess in reading the boards for a few months and years now, you get to see the magnitude that this happens to so many individuals. I didn't corollate that it would be a living hell if you were still stuck on trying to find reasons why it didnt work or if you were still wanting to make it work. With the help of Sandi and this board, I was able to buy into my marriage is dead early on and I bought into the idea that I was going to change myself. I dont know if you can tell from my posts but at some point, it was about my working out, my goals, me.
So now looking back, considering the stages of grief, bargaining and denial, its safe to say before I got to the boards some of that was alrdy out my system. I dont know if i was at the acceptance stage of grief but i know i believed in the system and that it was working for me to be better. I did believe my marriage was dead.
Oh and I was still optimistic and hopeful. I didn't let that tear me down. It'll get better. Mourn the loss, appreciate what you had. Dont let it mess with your character. Regarding all that other NGS stuff you can work on that in the meantime.
H 49 , W 47 T 23, M 17 S11, S5 BD: 7/18 IHS: 7/18 - 3/19 Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19 Piecing: 4/19 - Current
