Steve_Letting go pt2

[Steve_]

That’s just it a CW. There is no actions for me to take anymore. Never was honestly it’s like Corey Wayne says “illusion of action” I always felt that if I did xyz enough it would make her see abc. Nope. Just made her see me as unable to let go and dependent.

I’m doing IC, I’m taking antidepressants. I’m being honest about what I’m thinking for once and not trying to cover it up. And I’m coming here and getting 2x4’s. That’s it. I have stopped all contacting her, I don’t do it for any reason at all. What I had been doing is when she contacts me I always answer, always call back, etc. that I will also stop doing. I figured if I was not contacting and she was it’s okay. No, it’s not. Because I just put stock into a convo that I shouldn’t be having. I felt like it would be “rude” to ignore her. But it’s not, it’s actually respectful to myself to stop putting effort into someone who doesn’t give a rats ass about you. So my plan is to do less and less each day and become less and less available.

Personally my only actions I can take is to find a hobby I can afford that I can do. That’s probably the next thing, I’m also going to try to see if I can work from home somewhere like an advice nurse so when I got the kids or in my off time I can make some good use of it besides Netflix, cleaning or exercising. Need something else to do as well.