Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[Elbereth]

Thanks all. I guess for now I think I will wear the ring as I'm still married and right now my heart says I should even if I can't explain why.

But thinking about all of this and about letting go/detaching/dropping the rope kind of had me pretty depressed last night. I had a good cry. Also, a friend called and was questioning my actions and I'm really getting tired trying to justify my behavior/feelings to others that do not understand my situation. So, even though I did discuss my feelings with her last night, I think more and more I am going to limit my discussing with most people. I hadn't done that prior to joining this forum, and realize that I really should have. Also, H has been open with people too about what is going on to. It seems more people than I prefer know what is going on, which won't help us if we do reconcile. It's very frustrating and I wish things had remained more private. I know they care and want to help. But I can't help feeling frustrated. And judged by some too.

H did pop in this morning to get some things and left. He wasn't wearing his ring. He was friendly, and I was as well, even though I avoided him as much as I could.

Reading Wayfarers posts really got to me as well. Her feelings about things ring so similar to myself but she is so much better at explaining it. Reading her words made me cry a lot, as if seeing the words to go with the feelings I am feeling and completely relating brought a lot to the surface. I'm reading your story now May starting a few threads back. You and I are both ones to struggle with control. I have to say how helpful this forum is to be able to see everyone's stories, struggles, etc, as well as triumphs (big and small). It really is helpful to learn and to grow, but also comforting to realize we are not alone. I do wish we could sit in a group setting and hug each other though!

Hugs to all of you...virtually.