[Gerda]

Eagle, thinking of you. You are carrying a huge wait on your shoulders. Please do not berate yourself for struggling. If you didn't struggle, your heart would be made of stone. Your struggle is indicative of your open loving self that has been smacked and whacked and pummeled in the heart. And on top of that you have health issues to deal with.

You are right to avoid hearing his voice. That's what going dark means! It's to protect you! When my D talks on the phone to H, I put on headphones and blast my favorites on spotify. You've figured out that you do better when you don't have to hear or see him. Do more of not hearing and seeing him. Tell yourself, "Eagle, I am going to protect you from that, we are going dark on that!" You need to heal so you can get stronger. And guess what -- when you are strong, it doesn't just help you deal with this struggle and the battles, etc. It will open you up to more joys in the life you have without him. I'm not saying restoration is impossible but either way you want to get Eagle back, get strong and have a soul free to experience joy in life again.

XO