I am not detached, Pack19 part4

[SteveLW]

Do you think I blew this up because of how incompetent a DBer I have been? Please be honest with me.

I think this question has a flaw in it. You are asking this question with the false notion that you ever had any control over your sitch. This is a common struggle for LBSs. Pack, you could have DB'd perfectly from minute 1, with zero mistakes (almost humanly impossible) and still ended up where you are. In these sitches the WAS has all of control, and that is a difficult thing to understand. It takes two committed and dedicated to making a MR work. It only takes on to make a D.

Now certainly there are things you can do, and behavior that will worsen your sitch. But Pack, I don't remember anything so egregious that we can point to and say "You blew it up!" And even when mistakes blow things up, they tend to be temporary blow ups and things go back to the status quo. Again, nobody DBs perfectly. You've mentioned going on dates, yet you still have an idealistic belief in wanting to keep your family intact. How do you square those two things? But yet you made the decision to date even though you feel that way. This is not a chastisement, as it is your sitch and you can do whatever you want to do. But it is important for our actions to align with what we want!

Think about it this way, if you were planning on marrying your W, and the marriage was scheduled, everything booked, would you date others? And while it isn't exactly and apples-to-apples comparison, deep down it is similar. "I want to be married and committed to this person.......but I am going to date other people."

Two things moving forward: Stick to your principles. And be true to yourself regarding your motivations. And then weigh all decisions and actions against those two things. For instance, if you want to be in a committed, loving marriage with your WAW, then why are you dating? And if you are just dating to "get her attention" then are you doing it for the right reason? See?

So I am sure there have been things you've done and said that have hurt your sitch. We all did. No one is perfect. And you cannot change past mistakes. The best statement you made was: "As long as I can breathe, I can change" SO TRUE! So focus on that regardless of what your WAS does.