Midlife Crisis and Affair with Past GF

[SteveLW]

I am grateful that they do love me, will still stay here with me even if he isn't here, and all of that.

Elbereth, I do not mean to burst your bubble, but where else would they go? I know at 18-20 I didn't have a lot of options for where to live. I just want you to look realistically at EVERYTHING right now. Your emotions and rose-colored glasses will cloud your judgement, and you will put significance on things where there is none. I can completely relate.

For instance, just as an example, sometimes the WAS (one that is not in a PA) will want to scratch their sex-drive itch and will condescend to have sex with their LBS post-BD. We tell LBSs that it is okay to go ahead and do that (again as long as they are not in a PA!), but to have no expectations and affix no significance to it. I'd say 90% of LBSs cannot do that. I know I fell into that same trap. "She is willing and is actually initiating sex with me! It must mean she is changing her mind!" Yeah, no. Because the minute the R comes back up the LBS (mine included) made it clear that they still want to D.

So try to step back and look at things objectively. One of the best way to detach is to try to separate reality from what you want it to be. It is a constant struggle. The mind has coping mechanisms that will try to convince you that things are one way, when they are really another. Again, actions are more important than words. But even actions should be taken with a grain of salt.

Remember: Believe nothing he says, and only half of what he does.

Onward and upward!